Couples therapy, how many people shudder at the thought. It is so interesting the amount of couples struggling within their relationship who simply would not go to couples therapy.
So many fears and reasons not to. What will people think, what will the therapist think?
Truth about couples therapy is this, it will help you do one of two things. Resolve or resolution.
Support you to an amicable break up or support you towards change and evolution.
Misconceptions about. Couples therapy
It’s not easy allowing a third person in to your private life, expecting them to judge you and make assumptions. Depending on the relationship we have some couples opt for a therapist based on gender, race, religion because the idea is if we get someone similar to us then they will understand. A good therapist is simple a good therapist regardless of their gender creed or social standing.
Some men feel objected against when they go to couples therapy with their female partners and see a woman. They interpret that they will be ganged up on. And vice versa.
Some people don’t feel heard in a relationship. And want the therapist to be their mouth piece. How many times have I sat in on my couples session sensing that I am there to take sides. No therapist. Takes sides unless someone is being harmed in someway.
But often the case for couples therapy is that one person wants it and the other does not.
When one partner wants the option of couples therapy and sees it as the answer to their relationship problems, that creates another problem right there.
I am not saying that couples therapy is a bad thing, on the contrary it an prove really useful. But for couples who are divided by the option to take on couples therapy now that iis a problem. v
Doing couples therapy will not save the relationship, what it will do for sure is support you to communicate effectively, support you how to understand and listen to your partner, compromise and work things out together.
But if only one of you is willing to join in on this then it simply won’t work.
The darker side to couples therapy
It will open up the doors that have often been bolted shut and that can lead to some skeletons in the closet resurfacing or simply surfacing for the first time. It maybe also bring to light that there are bigger problems in the relationship and may even highlight that it is best you go your separate ways.
Couples who venture into couples therapy often feel that once they have a therapist then the problem will simply just go away. When actually the problem may be brought to the surface and made very apparent.
Some couples enter and believe that it is there time to name shame and berate their partner pointing out faults and highlighting all the ugly. This kid of attack in the session does not help the relationship but will highlight the need for dominance and power. It will show the cracks. But we all have cracks.
When there has been a problem arising from one person in the relationship, be it gambling, infidelity, parenting what every, the other person who may seem wronged me advocate for therapy and demand that if they don’t go then it is over, therefore leaving the guilty party shamed into going to the therapy and reluctant to comply.
Couples therapy can not save your relationship, only a couple that do that. What the therapy will do is provide you with a opportunity to work together with the support of a professional.
The pain of couples therapy is that when the relationship is in a dark place and one person wants it and the other refuses. It can feel that the person who wants is is being rejected by the person who refuses to go.
Because of the stigma of couples therapy there can be a arrogance that lures above the partner who refuses to go, statements such as I don’t need it, you do can often buzz around therefore wedging the gap between the couple even wider.
We base our self worth in our relationships and feel that if the relationships breaks down then we are going to be deemed as less than, not good enough but even worse that we will be seen and clearly identified as being rejected. That iis the ast thing we want is to be rejected, becase we are seeking acceptance, approval and not to be rejected. The idea that we have been rejected places us in a state of panic and we can seem desperate to save the relationship for fear of what people may think.
People come to couples therapy for many reasons, mainly to fix what they have. Truth is once you enter into it then the only way is through the process which will open you up to yourself and your partner. This will lead to another level of intimacy which may seem extremely daunting as you wont be in control and each session will have you seeking the answer, should we be together or not. But your therapist can not answer that.
Couples therapy will not save your relationship, but it will help you through to the other side, what ever that may be.
